I dont wanna take anymore hints! Cos I just cant take it le! I always get the wrong hints, get the wrong idea, and fall in love with the wrong people! I am afraid to get into another endless hole!

I just feel freaking empty now. Cos I just cant get myself back up, to fall in love again~

Why am I confused? Hmms... Kinda cos of 3 ppl...

Alot of things happened yesterday (Sat) and the day before (Fri).

On Thurs, Rinko smsed me. Somehow, i was freaking happy. Very excited. Very looking forward to that outing! Its been about more than a month since we met. And its one of the few times she actually initiated by asking if I am free. I am the usual one to ask. In the end, though it was cancelled, I wasn't angry. I am not pissed or sad. I don't blame her. She just can't throw her sis one side and go out with me. Her mum isn't at home and her sis is left alone for dinner. I know she won't bear to leave her family like that. So, I don't blame her. Just kinda disappointed. I really hoped we could meet. Afterall, it was so coincidental that she asked me out, when I took leave long before she asked me! Perhaps Fate? Nahh... I don't believe le..

So that's my Friday. Saturday, in the morning, Jervine smsed me say its cancelled. Our usual Para Session. The one and only time a week I get to go out with the Clique. With Alex, Jervine, Dorothy, and some of Jervine's friends. Kinda sad, cos I've got double PS-ed. Xi Guan jiu hao bahh. I always get PS-ed. Kinda used to it, though I'll get a little disappointed.

In the afternoon, Alex called to ask if I am going. I didn't know they r going already, so I rejected by saying I am tired and lazy. But jervine smsed me asking why I not going. So I called Alex, and found that all of them going, including Dorothy, whom said that she can't go cos of her dad etc... Was kinda delighted to recieve such news though. So I quickly got a few clothes and rushed out of the house. Went back a few times cos I kept missing some things. Wore a "Yo!"-like attire.. Its SO YO! luh! Like macham I gonna do a hiphop at Marina lidat! LOL! So Paisehh, so many ppl look at me sia! I KNOW I VERY SHUAI, but no need stare till lidat mahh.. jkjk.. HAHA!! BHB~

So we met. Jervine said she gotta meet her bf later, cos they quarrelled the night before, and so she is going to 'patch up' with him. Dunno luhh.. Something lidat de.. So we para-ed.. In the end, she is late.. We chat abit, and she decided not to go.. =.=

But then, Alex already left, cos he was damn 'jealous' that jervine buying present for her bf, for his birthday today. Left me, Jervine and Jervine's godbro. Dorothy actually wan come, but we were planning to 'go home' le.. So asked her no need come le.. So she didnt come.. In the end, till 10+, we still at Marina.. Went to esplanade to 'emo'. Some of us only.. Can say, is me, and Jervine more bahh.. Maybe Alex also.. Jervine cried.. Though she STRONGLY DENIED IT! Shhhh... Dun say hor! I wanted to cry also luhh... But I cant find a reason to cry.. Just felt damn confused..

Somehow, when I was telling Jervine those things, I kinda thought I like her!! AGAIN! But nahh.. Now to confirm, I think I just take her as a sister, and really cared alot for her.. I did something wrong.. That is to comfort her.. It should be Alex's Job.. When she cried, Alex was first to noticed and rushed to the toilet to get toilet paper, while I saw later and put my hand over to comfort her.. WRONG MOVE BRO!! Should have left her alone.. Wait till Alex come by.. Can see Alex really wanna do it, but cos I am already comforting her, he Lan Lan just sit and watch, and pass her the Tissue Papers. ALSO, I SEE ONE VERY CUTE THING I SHOULDN'T SEE!!! Alex tried to grab Jervine's hand when dashing across the road! (Cos we were jaywalking) HAHAHA!!! SO CUTE!! In the end never grab until luhh... Saw the hand like wanna grab but ant find lidat! HAHA!! >.<

Lastly, before everything ended, I replied to Dorothy's msgs. And she said things that like... If I still take hints, I SURELY FALL INTO THAT ENDLESS HOLE AGAIN!

Lemme try recall:
D = Dorothy
F = ME!!

D: Nite too :) Bytw anything happen just now?
F: what thing?
D: like something bad happen like that. no rite?
F: wad u mean? nth much ba.. except somebody super disappointed that u nt here.... haha... jkjk
D: lol. who siah? i sick but when i going then u all go home liao. nverm next time lah. :) really nth happen?
F: ME!! Aiyahh, u sick then rest at home mahh.. Anyways, we never go back, still at marina (cant rmb, something lidat de bahh - lost the msg)
D: lol! then tell me mahh! then I can u turn back again
F: No luhh.. by the time we decided not goin back, already 8+ le.. You got curfew de mahh.. Cant too late also..
D: u all uh. next time bah. :) some more i'm broke this yr! next yr i'm going to be leaded :) hahaha.
[more behind - not typing out]

If I still take hints, when I see that she say she will u turn and come to Marina, just after I said its ME that is super disappointed that she not there, I SURE will fall in again!

HAHA!!! Got 1 is super obvious, which is the last person I mentioned. But got 2 more whom I mentioned earlier, who made me so confused!

But whatever it is, I won't go into another relationship till I am ready. Till I get over these. Till I learn to love again. Perhaps I needa change for myself. Perhaps I should wait till after I fulfilled my dreams, and perhaps become successful! All the perhaps.. No one knows for sure about the future! All I can say is, I ain't giving up on any possible Destinied Girl! The time will come, to a day when I am ready to recieve this precious gift from God! This special girl, who is made just for me on this earth!

*I won't take anymore hints, I only take direct answers! And since girls usually ain't so direct, my chances will be slim. But whatever it is, life have to go on! I MUST LIVE MY DREAMS!! JIAYOU! FERDY!