I am unique.. But I don't deny, I am a weirdo... My friends say so.. Some girls think so.. Why? Cos I am different..

Some girls complains that guys dun understand girls.. But have they tried to look around for guys whom really understands them? Many guys understands girls, but chose to ignore... As for me, I just used what I understand and know, to treat girls... But the more you seem like u understand girls, the more girls find u a weirdo.. Most of the time, these 'weirdos' becomes more of a confidant... Someone who is more like a very good friend, like a brother.. Someone whom girls can speak to, can talk to.. That's all, I guess..

I love taiwan dramas.. But honestly, I have never liked the endings... Its always the guy who put in the most effort that loses.. And the guy that hurts the girl again and again wins... It's so unfair.. I know.. Love cannot be forced.. It cannot be measured by how much effort one put in.. It doesn't work that way.. It doesn't mean I put in effort, she must love me... But, it appears that these 'weirdos' doesn't even stand the second...

People say I am childish, say I know too much, say I am weird... Initially, I wanna change... I wanna conform... I wanna b 'normal' in their eyes.. I wanna be able to get attention of girls, so that I can at least jio them... BUT after so much of 'emoing', I have decided... I wanna be myself.. Someone in this world is made for me... Someone in this world will accept me for who I am..

I used to laugh alot.. Used to be so cheerful.. Slowly, this becomes a mask, to hide those true feelings inside.. Slowly, everything becomes a habit, not my trueself... So, what am I? How am I supposed to act? Everything about myself seems so far.. I could barely remember anything anymore... All I can remember is how to act, cos thats what I have been doing.. What is my trueself like? Its so vivid now...

If life can restart from a certain point, I wanna restart from Sept 2006... When I was in Singapore Poly.. I guess, thats where my mask started to b on... I wanna change the fact that I jioed Cheryl... I wanna b my usual loner.. One who can travel around alone and not feel lonely, one that can go shopping alone and have lots of fun, one that can resist the temptation to smoke.. One that have never seriously fall in love and get hurt.. One that have so much passion about Media nth in the world can stop him...

If not for her, I wouldn't pick up smoking, I wouldn't stop DJing to avoid her, I wouldn't put on a mask everyday to pretend I am fine... It's all because of her, that I am like this now.. Though seriously, I don't blame her, but all these changes, I can see for myself... I know when I changed, I know why I changed... I changed cos I love her, and she is my world.. Whatever she wanna do, I'll do it with her... But in the end... ... (though she is not the one who caused me the most pain..)

Yes, she changed me... Kind of waited for her for abt 8-9mths, and gave up... Not entirely, but somesort... Went for another girl, and never succeeded in relationships ever since... That is because I forced myself, to wanna be the guy that will never hurt any girls again... I wanna be the Mr. Perfect... But instead, I became this weirdo I am now... HAHA!!! *swipes tears* I am fine... really...

Seriously, I find myself wanting to know so much about girls, to the extend, I find myself kind of like one... When girls say, "I am fine.", they usually ain't... When girls say: "nothing", it means there is something, ask me more... When girls say I wanna be alone: "They wish someone will be there to hear them out, that will lend them a shoulder to cry on." I might be wrong... But I am speaking of majority...

I really dunno... I guess, I'll continue to be myself... No.. To find back my trueself... Slowly... Cos I don't wanna change just cos ppl says so!!

So what if I am childish? So what if I am weird? Whats so bad about me? WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST TAKE A MIN, TO LOOK CLOSELY AT ME, AND SAY THAT "YOU ARE SPECIAL"?

Seriously, only Trybe said that to me... But to be honest.. If I ask you, list 5 words that comes across your mind when u think of me.. Can be Verb, or even nouns~ Can u even list the 5 words? I doubt so... Cos some words, will like to Lame, Weird, Stupid, Childish...

If you say I am negative, I'll say I am not... Cos Lame, Weird, Stupid, Childish- are praises to me.. Or rather, were... BECAUSE THATS WHO I AM!!!

Sorry for wasting your time reading this... I just wanna post my feelings out, after watching MVP Valentine, Hi My Sweetheart, & Autumn Concerto... I just wish, this weirdo, will become a normal guy again one day...

Cos, I AM SPECIAL! I... AM... FER... DY!!! I AM MYSELF!!!

Haha.. Feel better now... WHEW~ *sniff sniff*