Probably No. Because there are many things that I do not have. Of cos its nt about expensive cars or what, but basic Diplomas, Job, Stable Income, etc, I still do not have. So I am not happy with what I have now! DEFINITELY!
2006: Finished O levels; Start of poly; New life; Long Holidays; Start of HabboSoup; knowing people like BlackSpark, Orangesoda-, fallenx, breadcrumbs, habbogalz, twofold, alone and many many more; start of a relationship that I had never forgotten! That, was my peak in my life up till now. Boring right? LOLs
Just watched "Devil Beside Me".. Chiong the final 15 episode from 9pm till now.. Last 3 episodes let me cry nonstop like a baby...
But this time, unlike the usual reason of crying, I cried purely cos of the show.. Unlike last time, I watch xia yi zhan xinfu, I cried cos I tot of Rinko while watching the show.. Almost 80% of the time, I cried cos of girls.. And most of the time, I used movies or dramas to cover ther fact that I am crying cos of girls.. But just now, I couldn't find anyone to cry for.. I guess this is the first time after 7 years that I actually felt so lonely bahh..
Though I always tell people that out of all the girls I loved before, I love Rinko the most, but the girl that I missed the most is actually Cheryl.. Cos that was the sweetest time I had.. If time could return, I would try to make her stay..
Life is fair bahh.. I let Eileen down several years ago, and since then, I haven't been in luck with relationships.. Perhaps karma?
I am tired.. Tired of crying.. Tired of trying.. Tired of finding people to tell my problems to.. Tired of running away..
I have been running away.. Cheryl, Rinko, Jervine, Dorothy, Jieyi... I have been trying to get out of their lives.. Perhaps cos of jealousy, perhaps cos of hatred, or perhaps just because I no longer have the courage to face relationships!
This is the first time I really really felt so empty, so lonely... I tried doing what those dramas do.. Cos of a failed relationship, messed up their life by playing around... Perhaps I did it... I am messed up.. I can't even concentrate on doing on my stupid fucking dreams! My DJ, my Radio!!!!! All I know is fucking flirt around, go out with, many girl friends around me..
I am fucking messed up now... I hate my life.. Cos it's no more about the future, the dreams.. It's all about the past.. Those people I loved.. Those failed relationships..
Now. I no longer know my purpose of living.. Though I know very well I have no courage to die.. But I m as good as dead now..
Somebody save me? Somebody wake me up from this fucking nightmare? Somebody slap me? I don't want to lead life like this anymore.. I want a new life.. I need motivation.. I need "her"!!!
