<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/2281801012365253285?origin\x3dhttp://fartyland.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
FARTYLAND .blogspot.com ♥
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Empty~

Just watched "Devil Beside Me".. Chiong the final 15 episode from 9pm till now.. Last 3 episodes let me cry nonstop like a baby...

But this time, unlike the usual reason of crying, I cried purely cos of the show.. Unlike last time, I watch xia yi zhan xinfu, I cried cos I tot of Rinko while watching the show.. Almost 80% of the time, I cried cos of girls.. And most of the time, I used movies or dramas to cover ther fact that I am crying cos of girls.. But just now, I couldn't find anyone to cry for.. I guess this is the first time after 7 years that I actually felt so lonely bahh..

Though I always tell people that out of all the girls I loved before, I love Rinko the most, but the girl that I missed the most is actually Cheryl.. Cos that was the sweetest time I had.. If time could return, I would try to make her stay..

Life is fair bahh.. I let Eileen down several years ago, and since then, I haven't been in luck with relationships.. Perhaps karma?

I am tired.. Tired of crying.. Tired of trying.. Tired of finding people to tell my problems to.. Tired of running away..

I have been running away.. Cheryl, Rinko, Jervine, Dorothy, Jieyi... I have been trying to get out of their lives.. Perhaps cos of jealousy, perhaps cos of hatred, or perhaps just because I no longer have the courage to face relationships!

This is the first time I really really felt so empty, so lonely... I tried doing what those dramas do.. Cos of a failed relationship, messed up their life by playing around... Perhaps I did it... I am messed up.. I can't even concentrate on doing on my stupid fucking dreams! My DJ, my Radio!!!!! All I know is fucking flirt around, go out with, many girl friends around me..

I am fucking messed up now... I hate my life.. Cos it's no more about the future, the dreams.. It's all about the past.. Those people I loved.. Those failed relationships..

Now. I no longer know my purpose of living.. Though I know very well I have no courage to die.. But I m as good as dead now..

Somebody save me? Somebody wake me up from this fucking nightmare? Somebody slap me? I don't want to lead life like this anymore.. I want a new life.. I need motivation.. I need "her"!!!

The DIVA ♥